5 months!!!

How is it possible that my little angel has turned 5 months????! Time flies, but then again I feel like I've had her for forever. In 5 months she has grown nicely, endured 3 ear infections, started teething, had a rash, gone to the Nordstrom anniversary sale, gone swimming, and so much more! She is giggly, smiley, and besides little sicknesses from daycare (plenty of mommy guilt attached here) she is perfect! I love her everyday a little more, though I don't know how it's even possible. Brynn Elise is my angel and I feel beyond blessed to have had the past 5 months with her officially and am so excited for each day that I get to be her mom.

So much for some sort of balance!

Well, when people talk about work/life balance, I don't think they really consider how much work goes into the baby side of things on top of a job. I have been fortunate to decrease my work schedule by working only Monday through Thursday and have unpaid Fridays off each week. So, little miss Brynn and I have "our" day together. No daddy, no friends, no in-laws... Just us (if we don't have guests in town, of course). Over the past month we have spent Fridays relaxing, experiencing her first nordstoms anniversary sale, and doctors appointments. Overall, not too bad. I hate lugging her around outside now because we have had consistently greater than 100 degree days for more than a month! I don't want us to melt out there. So our low-key days have been the thing I look forward to most of all. Paycut or not - I love it!
Ear infections and teething have been the theme lately. Her pediatrician said if she gets one more in the next 5 weeks we definitely need to get Brynn to the ear-nose-throat doctor to get tubes. It makes me sad, but if she will get some good long term relief, I'll do whatever it takes. Also, I am waiting but I expect to see teeth soon. She drools like crazy.
Brynn is growing like crazy too. She is up to 14 pounds and I am getting ready to transition her to 3-6/6 month clothing. And if she will feel better, we will get her out of the pack and play and into her crib. I just need to get over myself to make that move. She is growing up too fast!

July! Already?

It seems like since brynn came into my life, time just flies by. I don't understand how it's even possible that we are already to July! In just a couple days, brynn turns 4 months. She is getting so big and she is developing quite the little personality. In June we started getting more consistent smiles, I went back to work, she caught her first cold andsubsequent ear infection. We had our first real mommy-daughter shopping day at Northpark this past month - the first of many I am sure will follow. I am excited to see what else will come but I so wish I could keep her tiny too.

We are lucky enough to have a long weekend at hand with the 4th on Monday. Since I work abbreviated weeks (4 days, yay) I get 4 straight days with my baby and 3 of which with my hubby home too! Nothing is really scheduled either, and I kind of think that is the best part. Life is good.

oh well!

Well, so much for the 30 day challenge.  I give up!  Not in a bad way, but wow this week ran me down and so many of the questions just don't match up with where I am in life.

So... I'm moving on.  It's not that it was a failure.  I have been thoughts to share (I think!).

This week was week two at work.  I am exhausted. I am getting back into the swing of things.  I think my coworkers (just a couple of them) are annoyed that I am back because I work so much more efficiently than they can and I close orders quicker than they do.  Oh well... I am there to make money to support my family.

Brynnie the Pooh got sick for the first time.  Stuffy nose, not sleeping well.  Fortunately no fever!  Hallelujah!  Sadly though, I did give in and take her to the doctors, even though I kind of thought I might be over-reacting.  I was not!  Poor baby girl has an ear infection - worse in the right ear and a slight one in the left.  I just feel so badly for her.  I want her to feel better NOW!

She's been sleeping on my chest while I sleep sitting upright to help her drainage.  So, I am SLEEP DEPRIVED - worse than usual.  Thank goodness for weekends and thank god I switched to a 4 day work week.  While the pay is missed, I have a great appreciation to take care of my baby and myself.

I have loads more to share than any 30 day challenge.  Between Brynn, work, life, and everything else, my world is crazy!  I won't get down on myself because I am keeping it together (mostly).

Day 6... Who do I like?

I don't like him... I love him! My dearest hubby! My best friend, my baby daddy, my partner in crime. I will keep him, thanks :)

Day 5 - Irritations?

Day 5 asks - what's the biggest thing that irritates you about the opposite/same sex?

I was an RA in college and the guys floor always had a funk to it.  Dude smell is not good.... unless they are clean and fresh.

Women: I hate the cattiness factor that comes into play with large groups of girls.... interesting since I work with 97% women!  HA!

Working mom... Officially

Yup, today was back to work day one. No tears for this momma, but she was with nonna today. Tomorrow is day one at daycare... We will see what that brings. It's a great daycare, but I am still nervous. It's like her first day of school...with many many more years to follow. This week is killing me already and it's only Monday.

Day 4...

Day 4 asks, what do you wear to bed? Nowadays, it's all about nursing camis and shorts or nursing gowns. Not too cute, but it's good for brynn so it's good for me :)

What kind of person attracts you? Challenge day 3

I love people with a good heart. To be kind, considerate, and welcoming is what really matters. I've been fortunate enough not to be in the dating world since I was 15, so those are the things I seek in friendships. Friendship beyond college is hard to find though. If there is anyone who is compatible with me, I would like to find them.

Change in 2 years? Heck yeah!

In 2 years I've gone from no kids to having a baby post infertility battles. Also I have gone from never believing I could do the stay at home mom thing to wishing I would actually be able to. I put family first now - money and career are a distant second.

Now- less important changes but worth noting!
In 2 years, I have decreased the number of bags I buy, but increased my shoe collection (it's a fair trade off).

I have tried numerous fitness regimes and have decided yoga is my favorite - but since brynn fitness has sadly fallen on my list of priorities. When she gets a little older we can do mommy and baby yoga together.

My hair changes lengths and colors all the time. I've been blond, light brown, brunette, and red headed over 2 years. Today I became Blond again.

I can't think of any other major changes now... I'm sure there are more. What about you?

#1 - Challenge Begins

Weird things I do when alone....

I am the cookie monster, and as I've told my hubby, I will annihilate a box of cookies.
I will dance, sing, talk in different accents...

I am a little nuts!

30 Day Challenge.... ok!

Last half of my week at home :(

So it's Wednesday.  It's my last half of my last week on leave.  I know I need to put Brynn into her crib for naptime, but I want to be selfish.  So she's curled up on my left arm.  OOPS!  Oh well.

I've been doing heavy duty research for pumping tools for when I have to go back next week.  Instead of buying useful things on Amazon though, I end up with rattle rings and and car seat covers.  Oh well!

I need to schedule her three month photos.  Those will be Friday or Sunday.  I'm kind of excited but can hardly believe she's already 3 months old... (well, she will be on Sunday).  It's nuts to me.  My little peanut is not so peanutty anymore.

Father's Day! Ugh...

While growing up, Father's Day was always an easy holiday.  We'd buy a great box of sweets, some socks, a t-shirt, a book, or something along those lines.  It was always something simple that my no-frills dad would love.  But now that my dearest hubby is a father, I have to find him something wonderful to commemorate his first Father's Day.

I am so stuck!

My hubby is not a jewelry person, is not a frilly dude, and doesn't want for much.  So what in the world would be special enough and appreciated.  I don't want it to end up in a drawer or forgotten.  For once, I wish he was just a little more high maintenance than he is.

I was gifted with a GORGEOUS David Yurman link bracelet, so I can let this first holiday for him just rush on by.  But boy am I stumped.

Her Arrival... Finally, but way too early

So Brynn decided to show up around 6:12 pm.  I labored in the hospital from 9:30 until 3:30 naturally.  They gave me pictocin which made me nauseous, so they gave me anti-nausea medicine.  The pain just got worse and worse.  Finally, I gave in and they gave me an epidural.  I swore I wasn't going to take one, but by 3:00 I was done!  I wanted help!

The epidural was in fairly quickly and it felt better after only 15 minutes.  I kicked back and relaxed.  There was no pain from the contractions.  In fact, I spent the rest of the afternoon watching a pre-season Rangers baseball game.  Not too shabby!

My OB showed up around 5:30 and said "you're ready to push."  WHAT?!  I wasn't feeling anything. I wasn't ready.  The next 42 minutes were a blur.  I was having back to back contractions, and unfortunately Brynn's blood pressure was jumping out of whack.  They were getting concerned, so the pushing aspect was going to have to go fast.  Thankfully, it did!

She came too early.  She was late-preterm, so she was whisked away quickly.  She was put on my chest for just a moment.  I didn't get to see her for another 4 hours because she was in the NICU, and I could not wait to hold her again.  She just needed to pass all of her initial tests -which she did.

I LOVE HER!

Brynn's Arrival - Heading to the hospital

It was early Saturday morning and my second pee break of the night - 3:30 to be exact.  I stumbled into the bathroom, peed, and began my trek back to bed.  Suddenly I felt a woosh of water.  I thought to myself "I can't just have peed my pants - I just went to the bathroom".  I walked back in and there was still a bit of a trickle.  What the heck!  It's not my water breaking.  I still had 3 weeks and a day to go!  I wasn't due until 4/3 and we're only at 3/12.  NOT POSSIBLE.

I crawled back into bed and just laid there for awhile.  My handy dandy iphone is kept on my nightstand and I have the happy Google app, so I decided to start scrolling through.  "How can you tell if your water broke".  There weren't any contractions, so it just wasn't likely.  I got tired again and the info all seemed the same from one site to the next, so I just fell asleep again.

I woke up at 4:45 and had to pee, and there was still a trickle.  I think the more I denied what was happening the more real it was becoming, as weird as that might seem.  Contractions were finally starting to show up.  Not with any real consistency.  10 minutes apart then 7 minutes apart, the 9 minutes. 

7:00 rolled around and I decided that I did finally believe it was possible.  I was in labor.  I got up and went to the closet where we store our luggage and pulled out my vera bradley tote and my travel health and beauty items.  In went my new nightgowns, my robe, underwear, nursing bras.  My water still seemed to trickle, so I knew it was time to get the show on the road.  I let hubby sleep a little while longer while I got in my last relaxing shower.

8:00 came and we were supposed to be getting up to go to my in-laws.  I told hubby as he hit his alarm clock, "We're not going to your parent's house today".  He looked at me like I had four heads and said "okay but why".  I responded "I'm pretty sure I am in labor right now".  At that moment my eyes began to well up and I just began to bawl.  Not because I was sad or scare - I was simply just thoroughly overwhelmed.  My mom wasn't here yet - she wasn't supposed to be here until 3 weeks later for around my due date.  I wasn't ready.

Hubby was so calm though - thank goodness!  He asked if I had called my OB yet and I hadn't, so we did that.  I sat in bed while he showered.  Everything was quick and thankfully easy to go.  I gave my cats a hug goodbye and headed to the car.

It was 8:30 and I called my parents to let them know that labor was beginning.  My mom was a labor and delivery nurse for years and she wanted to know if I was sure.  I told her my water broke and the doctor told me to head right in.  She said okay - she and my dad were calling southwest to get on the next flight that would get them to Dallas.  Unfortunately with Love Field, there were no direct flights, so they would have to board 3 flights to get here. 

We called my inlaws to let them know we weren't coming over but were instead heading to the hospital.  20 minutes later they called to say they were on their way.  I really wanted my parents there, not hubby's, but it was okay because I knew HE needed the support too.

I got stupid during all of these 5 previous hours before heading to the hospital.  Did I eat or drink anything?  NOPE!  Do they let you eat when you're checked in?  NOPE!  I wasn't going to get a bite of anything except for ice chips until Brynn decided to make her debut. 

It was okay - it would be worth it.

Before Brynn

The last night of my pregnancy, I never suspected was in fact my last night of pregnancy.  It was a Friday night - at 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  It had been a LONG week at work and I was excited for the weekend. The hubby and I decided we'd head to Pluckers, a wing bar, for dinner and then run a few errands.  We had a couple shower gifts that were duplicates to exchange at Babies R Us and I had some stuff I wanted to pick up at Ulta.

We enjoyed a yummy, albeit not healthy, dinner of boneless buffalo wings and an Arnold Palmer (half tea/lemonade).  We hit up Pinkberry for dessert (chocolate yogurt with loads of fresh berries) which is always TASTY and I decide it's healthy too since there was so much fruit, calcium, and antioxidants.  Then after some lovely dessert and discussion, we decided maybe we should run to the Motherhood Maternity store that was in a closeby mall.  I was planning on packing my bag this weekend and I might as well go pick up the nursing nightgowns and tank tops since dinner took a little less time than we anticipated.  Now, let me just tell you that I HATE this mall, especially on a Friday night when the teenyboppers and punks take over.  But, the hubby insisted and the proximity was good, so FINE! I'd go get what I had to get and get out of there.  Mission accomplished!

The BRU trip was successful in that we found something we planned to buy for my in-law's house for the baby and it was on clearance and additional 30% off!  WOOT!  That left me pretty pysched.  I never made it to Ulta, because I was tired, and just ready to go home after the mall and BRU trip.

We made it home, I showered and lumbered into bed.  It was only 10:30, but it was one heck of a week!  Plus, I was waking up to pee every couple hours and I knew sleep would be very disturbed.  Next thing you'd know, 3:30 rolls around and my bladder was calling me out of bed.

And then...

Dread!

I went by my office yesterday to drop something off and a wave of absolute dread blasted me!  I go back in a week and a half.  I knew this day would be coming, but when she was so tiny, it felt like it would be forever until I would have to go back.  Also, for my whole leave I was under the impression that I would be allowed to work from home Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Well, when chatting with the president of the company, apparently the office fell apart while I have been out and they need me all 5 days.  The two days at home was going to be like my saving grace. I have a meeting scheduled for next Thursday to discuss my return... I am VERY nervous to see what the end game picture is going to look like.  Knowing that I am not going to be the one with my girl everyday just makes me sad.  I know my MIL and the daycare I have planned will be good for Brynn - It's just not me though.

I love my job and never thought I could be the stay at home type... but I guess maybe I could be the SAHM type afterall.  I wouldn't want to be a one-income family though because there are so many things I want to afford for my daughter, so I know I am doing the right thing.  Also, I know I will truly cherish every moment when we are together when I go back to work.  It's just hard to face the reality of it all.

How it all started...

When I was 15, I found out that I had a pituitary microadenoma.  This is basically just a benign growth sitting in my pituitary glad.  They told me "you might have issues with having kids someday" but why would I really think about those implications at 15 years old.  Fast forward to 27 and I suffered from a broken heart.  No kids for me, but plenty for my friends.  Without trying, kids popped up all around me, but just not FOR me.

After three rounds of IUI treatments, lots of drugs, stress, and sadness, I was BLESSED with a positive pregnancy test.  I held my breath for 20 weeks to make sure this pregnancy was going to stick around.  After my first IUI I suffered a miscarriage and I feared constantly that this would be the closest I would get to having a child.  Lucky number 3 came and stuck.  YAY!  At 20 weeks, the viability increase and I found that my prayers were answered twice - I would get my mini-me - a baby girl.

I didn't have much for pregnancy symptoms.  No morning sickness.  I was tired - but I could live with that. I kept busy.  My sonograms looked great throughout (mostly) and because I was "high risk" because of the pituitary thing, I got to have a sonogram every month.  She danced for me monthly and I got more and more excited to meet her.

Lucky Beginnings

This is just the start of a new life and this is my best attempt to document everything that is going on now.  I am a new mom - my daughter is just over 10 weeks old. After a couple of years of wanting a child but living with a body that didn't want to cooperate, my miracle finally came in the form of the sweetest daughter I could have asked for - my little darling Brynn.  I have been extra lucky too to have a boss that has been cool with me taking a full maternity leave - 3 months off!  But, this time has FLOWN by and work is calling my name.  I go back in just a couple more weeks.  So, with that being said, I am trying to figure out how to balance life, baby, work, and my sanity!  This is surely a work in progress, but I am so fully ready for the challenge.

Additionally, I am obsessed with my family, fashion, and whatever else I can fit in my day.  I have two cats who are my fur-babies who are learning to live with my human-baby.  It's been interesting.

Overall, the biggest thing I have to say is that I am lucky!  I love my new roles in life and I embrace whatever comes my way.